On Moving

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Since 2012, I’ve moved no less than six times. In those four years, I’ve lived in three different countries and five different cities. For the first time since then, I know that my next move will be definite. That I’ll be spending at least three years (bar a probable exchange semester) in the same room of the same building of the same neighborhood of the same city.

I think by now I could be considered a “pro” when it comes to moving and adapting to new places very quickly, but without failure, I always feel a little lost in the weeks leading up to the move. I’m not able to work as well as I did, I’m not able to dedicate myself to my mindfulness, sports and books as well as I did.

It’s refreshing for once to know that in two years I’ll be waking up in the same bed I’ll sleep next month. It’s refreshing for once to know that the friendships I make won’t be each moving to a different part of the country (or world) in a year or less, it’s refreshing to know that for once in a very, very long time, what I do stays with me for years.

I never completely liked moving in the same way I never completely disliked it. Moving is always a chance to start anew, a chance to show a different part of yourself, a chance not to get stuck. You force yourself to eliminate the superficial, to not hoard anything. You force yourself to be minimalistic on your possessions and not attach yourself to a particular piece of furniture, gadget, or anything else that will make your move even a little more difficult.

But leaving everything behind is never easy. Wherever we pass by, wherever we live in, we leave a little piece of ourselves. We leave a part of our lives that we’re unlikely to get back.

I’ll never see the person I was back in Stockholm again. The Vinni who passed by Passau is already dead. The Vinni who’s headed to Kiel? He’ll live a little longer than the others before him, he also won’t exist forever.

When faced with how fleeting this all is, we might tend to give it less importance. I know I did. I know I thought to myself that there was no reason to dedicate myself fully to a place I wouldn’t be staying in. Now, I wish I could have done different. I wish I had dedicated myself more and given myself more. Maybe the Vinni going to Kiel would be different, better.

But he’s me, and now, knowing that, I know what I’ll do.